Seven weeks in and all I hear is the pitter-patter of little feet ...
In my mind, I have not yet gone completely mad after seven, nearing eight, weeks of relative isolation.
No, I still have some wits about me, although to the outside, yes, I have lost it.
Seven weeks and ...
- I have binged watched “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Twice.
- I also watched all 30 episodes of “Twin Peaks,” that most bizarre, odd, dumb as Fonzie jumping a shark, and brilliant television show from 1990. It took me about six episodes to remember who killed Laura Palmer, though a part of me thought I was wrong.
Turns out, I was right. I think.
- For the first time in years I opened a book and began reading. “Dr. Sleep,” by Stephen King and a sequel to “The Shining.”
- Had to, just had to, watch “The Shining,” which is vastly different from the book but still a great movie.
- “DAAAAAADDD!! COME HERE!”
Into Jenna’s room I go. Now, if you read this last week, you know that we are raising two baby squirrels, each found more than a day apart. Jenna, my 10-year-old daughter, has been staying with me all week because she has bonded with Peanut, the youngest of the two.
“What Jen? Geesh.”
“Peanut got out.”
“No way. It’s a metal cage.”
She pointed and I looked and saw two of the bars had been pried open.
This was not good and Peanut has continued to escape, despite my ingenious methods of cage-mending, including tying pieces of a metal coat hanger across the bars.
- I have yet to watch an actual, current-day baseball game but if I did, I have the Yanks and Reds up by 10 in their respective divisions.
- Please, please please (infinity) stop forwarding me emails, texts, videos showing me the latest corona conspiracy theory.
- Hmmm. Maybe they are right. This IS a first-strike from an alien planet.
- I have not watched news on television in four weeks.
- I have not worn pants in four weeks.
- On Thursday night, I ran out of beer. I heard there are wine fairies going around. Where is my beer fairy? Bud Light would be swell but any hops-related beverage will do.
- I don’t understand why people are wearing face masks as they drive, alone, down the road. It’s unsettling.
- We have been to Hamlin Beach, Point Breeze, Oak Orchard Marine Park, the woods, down the road and to the canal path.
- I’m soooooooo bored.
- Peanut just jumped on Jenna’s face from four feet away.
- Trump is threatening tariffs on China and there was a mass shooting. Ahhh. Life is getting back to normal.
- Speaking of ...The New Normal, social distancing, flattening the curve. PPE’s, all have quickly become annoying phrases. I remember when a PPE meant, uh, something a guy kept in his wallet.
The worst, however, is “grim milestone.” Every day we reach another “grim milestone.” Enough already.
- It cost me $45 for a large
pizza and 20, not even 24! wings. And, I had a coupon for $31.99. Add pepperoni and delivery fee and it was $40. I tipped the mask-wearing kid a five-spot. Won’t be doing that again for a long time.
- Did I mention I ran out of beer?
Scott DeSmit is a general assignment reporter for The Daily News. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org